Ep.83: 7 Reasons You’re Struggling with English (And None of Them Are Laziness)

Hello and welcome to my podcast My Life and Other Funny Stories. My name is Dagmar Tomášková, I am an English tutor and coach and I created this podcast for English students who want to improve their oral comprehension. As always, you can find the transcription of this episode and vocabulary list in the notes of the podcast. 

And today, we’re going deep into the wild world of second language acquisition. Acquisition is in this context a different word for “learning”. I know, that sounds academic, but don’t worry, I’ll keep it fun. Pinky promise! 

By the way, do you know what it means when someone says “pinky promise”? It means that they promise something to another person by connecting their little fingers or in other words pinkies,” – and that is a promise that cannot be broken! Ever!

So, what am I even talking about? Today we will talk about all the different factors that influence the ability to learn a second language. And while doing that, I will teach you new vocabulary and idioms. Are you excited? Because I am!  I am taking this information from a research journal Englisia that focuses on language, education and humanities. Specifically, from a research paper “FACTORS INFLUENCING SECOND  LANGUAGE ACQUISITION” by Siti Khasinah – I will leave a link to this paper in the transcript.

So….why is learning English so freaking hard sometimes?
Is it because you’re not smart enough? Definitely not.
Is it because you’re lazy? No. Or…I mean, probably not. If you never do anything because you are super lazy, then it could be the problem. But since you are listening to my podcast right now, I don’t think you are too lazy to learn…
And…is it because you didn’t drink enough coffee this morning? Well… maybe.

But the real reason lies in a bunch of things called factors that influence how we learn languages. These are like the ingredients in a cake—if you mess up the mix, the cake (your English) might come out a bit… funky. Funky means weird. So let’s check it out.

1: Motivation – Your Fuel!

You have heard it a thousand times, haven’t you? Motivation is what makes you want to learn. Think of it like the gas in your car. Without it, you’re going nowhere. Or at least you feel like you are going nowhere.

We have two main kinds of motivation that can “light a fire under you” – this means to motivate you: 

• Intrinsic motivation – That is that type of motivation where you learn for the joy of learning (nerdy but beautiful). You want to enrich your mind and train your brain, you love the process of learning and enjoy the ride.
• Extrinsic motivation – That is that type where your motivation comes from the outside world. You want good grades, money, praise, promotion at work or something like that. English is a tool to achieve those.

Research says intrinsic motivation wins in the long run. Why?

Well, let’s imagine two students:

Student A is learning English because they love the language. They watch Netflix in English, they follow English-speaking YouTubers, they enjoy understanding song lyrics, and they feel good every time they learn a new word.

Student B is learning English because their boss told them to. Or because they have an exam. Or because their parents are pressuring them.

Guess who’s going to enjoy the process more? Guess who’s more likely to keep going when it gets hard? And guess who will still be using English in five years?

Exactly — Student A. Because when you learn for yourself, it sticks. It becomes part of your identity, your life. Not just a temporary goal.

Here’s why intrinsic motivation is more powerful:

1. It lasts longer.
   You’re not learning just for a deadline — you’re learning because you care. And that doesn’t disappear after an exam.
2. It feels better.
   You enjoy the process. Even grammar starts to feel fun (okay, almost fun).
3. You learn more deeply.
   When you’re curious, you explore. You make connections. You remember things better.
4. You become more independent.
   You don’t need anyone to push you. You become your own engine.
5. You keep going even after you “finish.”
   When the exam’s over, extrinsically motivated students often stop. Intrinsically motivated learners? They just keep growing — because the journey is the reward.

But I understand, it is not easy to find or create it. I can make a whole episode just about how to find this motivation or transform your external motivation into the intrinsic, but that is a topic on its own!

2. Attitude – The Vibes You Bring

Attitude isn’t just about being positive or negative. It’s about your beliefs about English, the culture, your teachers, and even yourself.

If you think “Ugh, English is impossible,” guess what? Your brain listens. So change that to: “English is hard, but I’m harder.” Boom. Instant upgrade. 

And just to be sure about your understanding – “Attitude” here means your mindset or feelings about something. 

If you repeat to yourself that you are not good enough, that it is too hard, that you will never achieve your dream level of English – you will believe it. Speak to yourself like the person you want to become – I am a good English speaker, I can speak English, I am smart, I am determined, I know what I want and I will get it.

3. Age – It’s Complicated

People say: “Children are better at languages.” And yeah… they kind of are. They pick up accents better and don’t overthink grammar. But adults? Adults are smarter learners. You know how to study, practice, and use rules. Kids just scream in perfect grammar without knowing what a verb is.

So if you’re learning English at 30 or 40 or 70, you’re not late. You’re just using a different path.

So yes, there are some disadvantages of being older but there are also advantages – you are structured, if you are older than 25 or 30, your brain is fully developed, you can think strategically and you can use it to learn English effectively!

4. Intelligence – But It is Not What You Think

Language learners don’t need to be geniuses. Intelligence helps in tests and formal study, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll be a great at conversation.

In fact, there are many kinds of intelligence – in the research paper it lists 8 types of intelligence – linguistic, logical-mathematical, spatial, musical, body- kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic…so no, it is not only about writing tests. You can be more emotionally intelligent which means that you understand others and your own emotions, you can understand the world in relation to music or the nature, or physical touch. It is really so complex. If you’re great at dance, art, or making people laugh—guess what? That can help you learn a language too.

But the type of intelligence and area where you are strong can influence your language learning as well – try to think about it –   how can you use it to learn English?

5. Aptitude – The Natural Talent

Some people just “have an ear for languages.” That’s aptitude. But don’t worry if you don’t feel like a natural. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.

To have” An ear for language” means someone picks up sounds and pronunciation easily.

But don’t be worried, I certainly don’t have an ear for languages and my pronunciation is not perfect in any language I am learning. But that didn’t stop me from getting a degree in English or working abroad. So don’t let it stop you and work on yourself!

6. Learning Style – Know Yourself

How do you like to learn?

Are you a visual learner (= that means you like pictures)?
An auditory learner (you remember what you hear)?
Or kinesthetic (you need to do stuff)?

Knowing how your brain learns best is like finding the cheat code to your language learning.

For example:
Visual learners: Use flashcards, mind maps.
Auditory learners: Listen to podcasts like this one.
Kinesthetic learners: Write, move, act things out.

Just “Know the ropes” of your own brain–  “to know the ropes” means understanding how something works. If you know how your brain works, you’re halfway to fluency. Truly, the a lot of people don’t stop to think about their own brain and their own language journey. They want to be blindly guided. They want to be told what to do. And that’s fine, not everyone has the time or energy to think about every area of their life. But if you want to be as effective as possible, it won’t hurt to spend an hour or two thinking about your own language learning.

7. Personality – Yes, It Matters

Are you shy or outgoing?
Risk-taker or perfectionist?
Do you cry every time someone gives you criticism?

Your personality affects your learning. Extroverts may speak more. Introverts may study better. But both can succeed. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

One important trait is confidence or… self-esteem – how much you believe in yourself. The more you believe, the more you risk trying, and the more you actually improve.

My favourite saying is “Fake it till you make it” – Pretend you’re confident until you really are. Works surprisingly well.

So, what to do with that information? 

So, you can’t just wake up one day and be a perfect learner. But there are ways to work smarter:

Find your motivation
Learn in your style
Accept your age, strengths and weaknesses – and use them!
Stay curious and consistent
Be kind to yourself

And if you ever feel discouraged, remember this one:
“You didn’t come this far to only come this far.” – if you stop now, how will it help you?

And that’s it. Thank you for listening! If you liked this episode, please leave a five-star rating and share it with your friends. Don’t forget, you can find the transcript and vocabulary list in the podcast notes. See you next time.